God is faithful and God WILL speak to us. The question is, are we listening and do we know how He speaks to us?
Well, God was definitely speaking to me the morning of August 14th (the day before the miscarriage). Early that morning, close to 3:30 a.m., I had awakened to use the ba
throom and was a bit concerned when I noticed that the seat of my underwear was pretty bloody. It bothered me, because it was much more than spotting. But I returned to my bed, trying to convince myself not to worry, since most of it was more brown than "new red blood". I couldn't help but to get nervous and worry about my baby's fate. I'd had five pregnancies prior to this one and I'd never experienced that amount of bleeding right at my third month. I had lightly spotted brown blood between my 8th-10th week, but never anything like that. I became consumed with worry and prayed for peace and some rest (considering it was still extremely early and I was hardly prepared to wake-up for the day). I end up softly singing myself a song that was put in my spirit called, "Child of God", and was able to soothe myself back to sleep.
throom and was a bit concerned when I noticed that the seat of my underwear was pretty bloody. It bothered me, because it was much more than spotting. But I returned to my bed, trying to convince myself not to worry, since most of it was more brown than "new red blood". I couldn't help but to get nervous and worry about my baby's fate. I'd had five pregnancies prior to this one and I'd never experienced that amount of bleeding right at my third month. I had lightly spotted brown blood between my 8th-10th week, but never anything like that. I became consumed with worry and prayed for peace and some rest (considering it was still extremely early and I was hardly prepared to wake-up for the day). I end up softly singing myself a song that was put in my spirit called, "Child of God", and was able to soothe myself back to sleep.I eventually woke up to truly start my day off, by reading my Woman's Devotional Bible. First I read the suggested scripture verse and then the devotional, "Hope For Your Future", that accompanied it. The scripture came from Jeremiah 31, verses 15-20. As soon as I read over verse 15-17, the words seemed to jump out at me and resound a BOLD message in my spirit. The words read:
"...Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more...restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears for your work will be rewarded " declares the Lord. "They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future, "declares the Lord.
"Oh no!", I thought. Is God trying to let me know that this baby is not going to make it? Is this a "prep" from Him for a miscarriage. I didn't want to "hear it"! I didn't want to fathom it! I thought that this baby was supposed to be my hope for deliverance from my current situation! How could I lose this!
It's like I was 75% sure after reading it that this was my fate. But 25% of me refused to "hear" the message, wanted to forget it, and focus on "faith". I will be fine and so will this baby!
Now, fast-forwarding to Sunday, August 16th, I was back home from the hospital and at the computer trying to name my lost baby. I specifically recall having difficulty finding a boy's name on-line that meant "hope" (the messages I'd gotten from the sermons I heard while in the hospital), that I actually liked. I finally decided on "Amali" since it meant "hope"; but I really didn't understand the other meanings of "occupation, activity, or my toil" that were also attached to this name. I then carried on to choose the middle name, "Shin", meaning "belief, trust, faith" (more themes from the messages of the sermons).
Almost a month and a half later, I was studying and working on a writing piece named, "Miraculous Autumn Leaves: Time Will Reveal". In my studies, I felt led to look up the dictionary meaning of "harvest" in order to tie it into my theme of Autumn and spiritual maturity. I was almost blown out of my mind when I read the definition, "the result or consequence of activity". "Activity"...one of the meanings of Amali! One of the meanings that had meant NOTHING to me of August 16th, when I named him! I was so excited and overjoyed! My Amali's life DID have a purpose: Because of my activity, My Amali, I was in my harvest time! My time to reap all that I'd sowed. My time to collect the blessings from all my toil over the years! Oh...I was most definitely still carrying Amali-MY HOPE...MY FAITH...for my present and my future!
To add to my joy and praises to my Lord, the morning of November 1st, I was again awakened early. At about 3 a.m. , I awoke to an almost audibly loud call in my sleep. It was like a yell of one word (not on importance to mention the word in this piece), but no one in my room had yelled it to me. I jumped up, decided to use the bathroom, and tried to settle back to sleep. In my failure to return to slumber, I decided to open my bible to read. I unintentionally opened it to Jeremiah 31...SO WE MEET AGAIN!
As I read, I was reminded of the morning of Aug. 14th when I had read those very verses and the devotional that went with it. I had COMPLETELY forgotten about ever reading the scripture before. And honestly, I had truly forgotten that God HAD forewarned and prepared me for this miscarriage (just like the first one); I just did not want to "hear" Him. This time, as I re-read those verses I was astounded when my eyes met the words "my toil" and "hope" within verses 16 and 17. I was completely astounded and had a feeling go through my spirit that I cannot express in words, but it was an elevating feeling. At that moment, I realized that not only had God "prepped" me for Amali Shin's passing, but He had even prophesied to me what his name should be through the scripture; I was just clueless and turned a deaf-ear to His voice that morning. How amazing...when I thought I was the one choosing my son's name after hearing themes in sermons that Sunday morning the 16th, God had already named him on the 14th. I JUST WAS NOT LISTENING!
Yes, God speaks to me! He speaks to me often and many times I "hear" him. He speaks to me through the Holy Spirit and tells me what is yet to come; it is very exciting! But the beauty in all of this is that I am not "God's favorite"...I am not the only one who can talk to God and actually "hear" clear messages from Him. God desires to speak to you, too, and it's possible for you to "hear" him as well. In John 10:3-4, Jesus says that, "(His) sheep follow Him because they know His voice". If you are a born-again Christian and Jesus is your Lord, you CAN "hear" His voice. We just have to DESIRE to hear His voice and not just our voice in prayer to Him. We have to spend time with Him, reading His word, studying it, and meditating on it. Just as you KNOW the voice and nature of your parent, child, or spouse, and this knowledge came from intimacy and time spent with this person. So it is in our relationship with God, as we REALLY get to know Him and DELIGHT ourselves in His word and the things of Him, we WILL know HIS VOICE and recognize where He's leading. He will guide us through His word and give us confirmations of "that word" or message, to ensure to us that we've heard Him. We just must be open to "hear" from Him.
Be Blessed!
Further readings: 2 Peter 1 19-21, John 14:26, John 16:12-13, Acts 9:29
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