I'm Back!!! - Part II

"When our souls lie barren in a winter which seems hopeless and endless, God has not abandoned us. His work goes on. He asks our acceptance of the painful process and our trust that he will indeed give resurrection life"
~ Elisabeth Elliot

Thank God for that book (Don't Die in the Winter, by Dr. Milicent Hunter), on that day! The title of that book clearly expressed what my spirit was attempting to do...FLATLINE and DIE during my tumultuous winter. I was getting extremely weary. I didn't want to completely throw in the towel, but I definitely didn't feel I had the spiritual energy to do anything but exist. I couldn't sing any gospel or contemporary Christian tunes to lift my heart. I didn't want to read devotionals. I definitely couldn't write or blog. How hypocritical would that be? How could I encourage others when I couldn't even encourage myself? I wouldn't' even allow myself to be encouraged by my best friend, who'd been my only steady, spiritual road dog during this long trek through the blizzard storm of both our lives.


I can even recall one evening during that time, while walking my dog, I came to the conclusion that Earth and my life here was quite overrated. I had been able to remember a time when the idea of death had scared me, and was a thought and life occurrence that I was in no rush to meet. But this night, as I experienced the nigh time quiet and then observed the peacefulness of the stars and the moon, my spirit longed to enjoy and share in that same peacefulness. To me, death seemed more peaceful and attractive to my daily life and to the season I was in . Mother of five or not, wife or not, I wanted to translate into the next world...flatline through this one or "Take me now, Lord!"

Thankfully, the Lord led me to this book, and I jumped into it that very night. Deep within me, I longed to "get back" to my old faithful self ; I truly didn't want to end 2009 and usher in 2010 in such a morbid spiritual state.


As I read, I began to become more encouraged, and to feel my heart's beat trying to recover its natural rhythm. And in just those few days, I began to make positive determinations about new approaches I'd take and changes that I would make in my spiritual life, in relation to my marriage, and in my health. I was not making resolutions, but I'd rock in that new year by renewing my mind and spirit from the dead place it had been in.

What was truly helpful to me about this book was it's breakdown and explanation of all the seasons of life that we all will go through, and specifically it's candidness about winter. Dr. Hunter's descriptions and juxtaposition of the spiritual winter to the natural winter, reminded me that winter was exactly what it was meant to be: cold, bitter, harsh, lonely, and trapping. It wasn't suppose to resemble summer or any other warmer or more restful season. It was, what it was! But the beauty in the way God designed creation was that one season always proceeded another. Therefore, as surely as there was a winter each year, there was going to be a blooming, beautiful, bright spring to follow it. My winter HAD to end, and MY SPRING, MY SEASON, would be coming! And in the meantime, reading this book had helped me to understand my winter season for what it was. I was in winter, but I'd soon pass through it and on to brighter hopes!

As God continued to be awesome in my life, one day as I was nearing the end of Dr. Hunter's book, an unexpected package came in the mail for me: another inspirational book. It was a book that I'd wanted so badly to get the very day it was to come out, sometimes around November of last year. One of my best friends had actually promised to buy it and send it to me the week after it was to be released. But as life does its thing, for this or that reason, my friend had never sent it and we had never discussed it again after the day she'd originally promised it to me. So, it was to my great surprise and excitement on that January day (months later) to open and graciously receive my Joel Osteen's, It's My Time.

"Lord, is it really my time?"....


To be continued...